While I was sleeping, the canvas of the city got a fresh coat of white paint. It has been a long winter and it is only February first. I feel like Phil in Groundhogs Day. This winter is never going to end. Hopefully when it does end we will be rewarded with a glorious spring.
This morning however, because it is a Saturday, the world feels less hurried about clearing paths to get out. I have the weekend off so I am not in any hurry either. I wonder only briefly if the day shift made it to work or if the night shift had to stay over. I took a cab part way home last night after work because I had to pick up my billfold that I had left at a restaurant the night before. The roads were already becoming slick and the cabby was going home after he dropped me off. "Too dangerous" he said. "Not worth it. And it isn't busy anyway".
I have taken a lot of cab rides this winter. Mostly to work when the temperatures drop below 0. I don't mind the snow, I can get around in the snow not having a car and being only 4 blocks from the train. But I hate the bitter cold with the wind chills in the minus 40's. When the temperatures reach the twenties it seems almost balmy. A friend has already been out this morning and texts that it is actually warm.
I texted someone yesterday that I had been hibernating since December 1. Although it seems that way, I suppose it is not actually true. I do tend to stay in my bed on the extremely cold days because the apartment is not warm on those days, only getting up to call a cab to get to work. Poor Rachel, living in New Orleans doesn't have any heat in her apartment and had to finally get space heaters because it has been cold (relatively) there. But my friendships continue and I get out for breakfast some days or lunch on my days off. I have seen lots of movies and several plays. A friend's niece was in the chorus of The Sweet Smell of Success. Later I heard she had a terrible migraine through the whole musical but you would never have know it. She was the most animated one out there with the highest kicks during the dance scenes. I know I will be saying I saw her when. We all work and carry on most days no mater how we feel or the weather outside. I am suppose to see a play tonight with a group of friends. We will see if we carry on as the snow continues to fall outside.
Tomorrow my movie group meets in Evanston. I am doing a double feature seeing Groundhogs Day at two and the Dallas Buys Club at 5. Can't get much interest for the first but 13 people are signed up for the second and dinner after. All people I know. Maybe one or two first timers that won't actually show up. The nature of meetups. I have seen both movies. While radically different there are similarities in that both main characters under go enormous transformation in character. But then that is what movies are about and why I go see them. To see how the characters face events in their lives, good and bad, and how they are changed by those events.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Change is Hard
Change is hard, whether it is in your thinking or in your habits.
The best book I have read on dating is The Tao of Dating: The smart woman's guide to being absolutely irresistible by Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil. Now here is someone who changed from being a doctor, though he may still practice to authoring a book helping women to find love. The book is mostly about caring for yourself. My favorite quote is "contentment is not a person it is a feeling." It is important for me to remember it is about me. I am the star of my own show. (I stole that line from About a Boy a great movie about change.)
Anyway, I have been dating a man for about 9 months. We have gone out exactly 5 times. We text and occasionally talk on the phone. From the beginning, I have suggested to him I need to be a little higher priority. He works incredibility hard. But obviously, if I was important to him I would see more of him. I finally decided to choose myself and tell him exactly want I want and need. Because I am not overly invested in this relationship I have been able to practice expressing my feelings instead of letting things build until I get angry. Men do not like angry women. Still waiting to hear back. But the out come is not important. Choosing myself is the important part.
Which brings me to a great book on change I have been reading called Choose Yourself by James Altucker. Mr. Altucker believes that we will not be able to depend on the old style of work. That cubicles are empty and we are entering into a era where we will all be working for ourselves. At least if you want to get ahead in this world. And as I was laying in bed this morning trying to go back to sleep I thought about my brothers and sisters. They are already there and have been for a long time. Jane doesn't work but has many wonderful creative ideas everyday. Bill has been self employed forever as a landscaper mixing both hard work with creativity. Judy, although now working for the school system, use to head a nonprofit working with children. Susan, has her own fiber business and farm where she raises sheep and chickens. John buys and sells stuff. And Tom, has been self employed as an architect for most of his career. I am the only one who has always worked for someone else. Not that I work in a cubical. But I am the one who has to plan vacation time and can't just do something spontaneously. (I know it isn't that easy for the others either but they can plan their own life to a greater degree than I can.
Mr. Altucker is all about ideas. He has made and lost millions of dollars and is now finding a way to stabilize his life, changing from the inside rather than the outside. Makes me feel like all my internal changes may pay off after all. He talks about daily practices in the 4 different areas of life, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. For me the most difficult to embrace is the physical practices of choosing health. In later blogs I will talk about his other areas. But as I was rereading the book he mentioned a diet he follows called the slow carb diet basically invented by Timothy Ferriss, author of The 4-hour body. You see how one thing leads me to another, to another. I love my Kindle app and Amazon.
So I decided to give the slow carb diet a try. It appeared from the book, I might actually be able to meet my 50 # goal in my allotted time limit if I suck with the diet. The diet is basically a low glycemic diet designed to keep your blood sugar level even. This in turn keeps your body from producing high levels of insulin that causes fat storage. No grains of any kind, no fruit, no sugar, no dairy, and only a little red wine. Lots of high quality meat, eggs, poultry and fish. Lots of vegetables and lots of legumes.
And it worked well for 3 weeks. I lost 14 pounds. He also lets you have a cheat day every week. Makes the body think it really isn't in starvation mode. The problem was I never really felt that great. I know some of it was detoxing from sugar and grains. But I was also still having some acid re-flux. Not as severe as I was having but it was still there. Usually when I diet, it completely goes away. I was also really missing fruit and having trouble eating the beans. After some research on the internet I found a theory that re-flux may be caused by carbohydrates more than anything else and actually complex carbohydrates are worse than refined carbs because they take longer to digest and build up gas. What I liked about this diet was that my sweet cravings completely vanished. I was still drinking diet coke which may have satisfied some of it, but still, I wasn't even tempted to cheat on non cheat days and really didn't eat much sugar on days I could cheat. So I wanted to find something to go to right away and not loose my momentum and gain back the weight I had lost.
A friend suggested the South Beach diet, which I looked at. The problem with that diet however, is it does not follow my philosophy about food. It relies on low fat versions of dairy and proteins. Not whole foods. And then I came upon whole9life.com and their 30 day challenge. They propose something very similar to my previous diet except they do not like legumes and instead let you have some fruit. Still no sugar, no dairy, no grains. Plus no legumes, no soy, no alcohol and no diet coke. Rather than being focused on the glycemic index and insulin spikes, they are focused on foods that cause inflammation. They are less concerned about weight and fat loss than becoming healthy. (I can't even weigh for the 30 days). Besides detoxing from the foods they feel cause inflammation, they want you to really change your relationship with food. I will let you know how I progress.
Addendum: Day number 3 of the 30 day challenge. I am tired of cooking. Fortunately I have been off for several days and so I have been able to cook. But I don't like it much. One thing that is helping is that one other change I have made is to quit playing computer games, (spider, freecell and hearts). I suddenly have lots of time on my hands.
The high quality protein is costly, but less than eating out. A pound of wild salmon $21. But if I cut it in 4th's it is only 5 bucks. Oh and I made mother's goolash. All perfectly legal with grass fed ground beef. Except the macaroni of course. I substituted spaghetti squash. Very, very tasty. Going to have some left overs right now.
The best book I have read on dating is The Tao of Dating: The smart woman's guide to being absolutely irresistible by Ali Binazir, M.D., M.Phil. Now here is someone who changed from being a doctor, though he may still practice to authoring a book helping women to find love. The book is mostly about caring for yourself. My favorite quote is "contentment is not a person it is a feeling." It is important for me to remember it is about me. I am the star of my own show. (I stole that line from About a Boy a great movie about change.)
Anyway, I have been dating a man for about 9 months. We have gone out exactly 5 times. We text and occasionally talk on the phone. From the beginning, I have suggested to him I need to be a little higher priority. He works incredibility hard. But obviously, if I was important to him I would see more of him. I finally decided to choose myself and tell him exactly want I want and need. Because I am not overly invested in this relationship I have been able to practice expressing my feelings instead of letting things build until I get angry. Men do not like angry women. Still waiting to hear back. But the out come is not important. Choosing myself is the important part.
Which brings me to a great book on change I have been reading called Choose Yourself by James Altucker. Mr. Altucker believes that we will not be able to depend on the old style of work. That cubicles are empty and we are entering into a era where we will all be working for ourselves. At least if you want to get ahead in this world. And as I was laying in bed this morning trying to go back to sleep I thought about my brothers and sisters. They are already there and have been for a long time. Jane doesn't work but has many wonderful creative ideas everyday. Bill has been self employed forever as a landscaper mixing both hard work with creativity. Judy, although now working for the school system, use to head a nonprofit working with children. Susan, has her own fiber business and farm where she raises sheep and chickens. John buys and sells stuff. And Tom, has been self employed as an architect for most of his career. I am the only one who has always worked for someone else. Not that I work in a cubical. But I am the one who has to plan vacation time and can't just do something spontaneously. (I know it isn't that easy for the others either but they can plan their own life to a greater degree than I can.
Mr. Altucker is all about ideas. He has made and lost millions of dollars and is now finding a way to stabilize his life, changing from the inside rather than the outside. Makes me feel like all my internal changes may pay off after all. He talks about daily practices in the 4 different areas of life, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. For me the most difficult to embrace is the physical practices of choosing health. In later blogs I will talk about his other areas. But as I was rereading the book he mentioned a diet he follows called the slow carb diet basically invented by Timothy Ferriss, author of The 4-hour body. You see how one thing leads me to another, to another. I love my Kindle app and Amazon.
So I decided to give the slow carb diet a try. It appeared from the book, I might actually be able to meet my 50 # goal in my allotted time limit if I suck with the diet. The diet is basically a low glycemic diet designed to keep your blood sugar level even. This in turn keeps your body from producing high levels of insulin that causes fat storage. No grains of any kind, no fruit, no sugar, no dairy, and only a little red wine. Lots of high quality meat, eggs, poultry and fish. Lots of vegetables and lots of legumes.
And it worked well for 3 weeks. I lost 14 pounds. He also lets you have a cheat day every week. Makes the body think it really isn't in starvation mode. The problem was I never really felt that great. I know some of it was detoxing from sugar and grains. But I was also still having some acid re-flux. Not as severe as I was having but it was still there. Usually when I diet, it completely goes away. I was also really missing fruit and having trouble eating the beans. After some research on the internet I found a theory that re-flux may be caused by carbohydrates more than anything else and actually complex carbohydrates are worse than refined carbs because they take longer to digest and build up gas. What I liked about this diet was that my sweet cravings completely vanished. I was still drinking diet coke which may have satisfied some of it, but still, I wasn't even tempted to cheat on non cheat days and really didn't eat much sugar on days I could cheat. So I wanted to find something to go to right away and not loose my momentum and gain back the weight I had lost.
A friend suggested the South Beach diet, which I looked at. The problem with that diet however, is it does not follow my philosophy about food. It relies on low fat versions of dairy and proteins. Not whole foods. And then I came upon whole9life.com and their 30 day challenge. They propose something very similar to my previous diet except they do not like legumes and instead let you have some fruit. Still no sugar, no dairy, no grains. Plus no legumes, no soy, no alcohol and no diet coke. Rather than being focused on the glycemic index and insulin spikes, they are focused on foods that cause inflammation. They are less concerned about weight and fat loss than becoming healthy. (I can't even weigh for the 30 days). Besides detoxing from the foods they feel cause inflammation, they want you to really change your relationship with food. I will let you know how I progress.
Addendum: Day number 3 of the 30 day challenge. I am tired of cooking. Fortunately I have been off for several days and so I have been able to cook. But I don't like it much. One thing that is helping is that one other change I have made is to quit playing computer games, (spider, freecell and hearts). I suddenly have lots of time on my hands.
The high quality protein is costly, but less than eating out. A pound of wild salmon $21. But if I cut it in 4th's it is only 5 bucks. Oh and I made mother's goolash. All perfectly legal with grass fed ground beef. Except the macaroni of course. I substituted spaghetti squash. Very, very tasty. Going to have some left overs right now.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Law of Attraction
First I wanted to say thank you to all of my family that sent such warm, wonderful (and some very funny) comments regarding my last blog via email. While it was not a hard blog to write it was a difficult one to post. I am grateful it was well received.
In that blog I said I would talk about a new book I am reading but I need to put that on hold for a few blogs and back up a bit. Some time ago I wrote a blog on reading. I have started to do more reading again and what I am finding is how it wakes up my mind in a way nothing else does. I can almost feel the brain cells activating them selves and hear them saying ahhh, finally some stimulation coming our way. And the great thing about trying to make changes and reading is one thing seems to just logically lead to the next thing and the next thing. Even if I am reading fiction, I find a common thread with what is going on in my life.
So I was at work one day doing a group on my own spin of cognitive therapy which will be a subject of yet another blog. But for now just know that it was a successful group and the patients were interested in what I had to say. After the group one of the women went to her room and brought out the book "The Secret". She thought I might find it interesting. I paged through the book and decided I needed to give it a closer look and down loaded it from Amazon. The book it turns out is about the Law of Attraction. Something I had heard about from a couple of different sources but not something I understood.
In a nut shell this is what I now understand and try to practice: 1) What you think about is what you attract. 2) You can ask for what ever you want because there is plenty for everyone. What I noticed as I read the book was how closely it reflected the religion I was brought up with, with some very important differences that made me feel a little uncomfortable. Yet I know that even some pretty conservative Christians believe in and practice The Law of Attraction. After doing the briefest of research on the internet I discovered that there is a more "religious" or Christian view of The Law of Attraction and a secular view.
Some Christians point to the Bible as being full of the law of attraction and feel this is where the concept originated. "Ask and you shall receive." Is this not what praying is all about? And yet the key difference between when I was young and praying to God for what I wanted and now being able to ask the universe for what I want is 1) I don't have to feel guilty about what I ask for and there is no bargaining involved (Please God let me pass this test and I promise I will study harder) 2) The Universe does not seem to judge 3) While the universe does appreciate gratitude, it doesn't need to be worshiped and adored. 4) You don't have to defer to the Universe's "will" though I do think that there are basic laws of the universe and when you go against those laws you begin to have difficulties. But the Universe kind of lets you figure that out on your own.
I am not trying to judge anyone's religion or beliefs. I am just expressing my own. While the law of attraction makes sense to me, religion does not. But that old religious upbringing keeps nagging at the back of my head, "maybe you are just being selfish and you are taking all the good parts but leaving all the hard parts behind." Maybe. And maybe God and the Universe are one in the same and that it is simply man and religion that is all screwed up.
What I like most about the Law of Attraction is the focus on abundance and gratitude. I believe if the world could just adopt those two concepts we would be far better off. I thought I had blogged about gratitude but I can't find it so perhaps that will be another entry.
There are critics to the law of attraction. "It is just all positive thinking. And people think they can just get what they want magically." By the way Rhonda Byrn's (author of The Secret) follow up book is called "Magic". I haven't read it. And I read a great blog (very funny) making fun of the book http://www.slate.com/articles/life/human_guinea_pig/2007/05/ive_got_the_secret.html. I am giving you the link to prove I have a sense of humor. And there are parts of of the book I don't agree with. But negative thinking never got anyone anywhere. That I know. And maybe things don't happen magically, but once we figure out what it is we want and ask for it, our own brains begin to work for solutions.
I have asked the Universe for certain things. To lose 50 pounds in 6 months. To be debt free in 6 months and finally to have a million dollars in my bank account. (I did not put a time limit on that.) The weight thing is not working so well yet but I still have 4 months to go. I am getting some insights into the problem. The debt is close to being resolved and now I have to work really hard to make it happen. I have 3 months left. And the asking for the million dollars has led me to another book that will be the subject of my next blog.
Change. It will happen. I know it.
In that blog I said I would talk about a new book I am reading but I need to put that on hold for a few blogs and back up a bit. Some time ago I wrote a blog on reading. I have started to do more reading again and what I am finding is how it wakes up my mind in a way nothing else does. I can almost feel the brain cells activating them selves and hear them saying ahhh, finally some stimulation coming our way. And the great thing about trying to make changes and reading is one thing seems to just logically lead to the next thing and the next thing. Even if I am reading fiction, I find a common thread with what is going on in my life.
So I was at work one day doing a group on my own spin of cognitive therapy which will be a subject of yet another blog. But for now just know that it was a successful group and the patients were interested in what I had to say. After the group one of the women went to her room and brought out the book "The Secret". She thought I might find it interesting. I paged through the book and decided I needed to give it a closer look and down loaded it from Amazon. The book it turns out is about the Law of Attraction. Something I had heard about from a couple of different sources but not something I understood.
In a nut shell this is what I now understand and try to practice: 1) What you think about is what you attract. 2) You can ask for what ever you want because there is plenty for everyone. What I noticed as I read the book was how closely it reflected the religion I was brought up with, with some very important differences that made me feel a little uncomfortable. Yet I know that even some pretty conservative Christians believe in and practice The Law of Attraction. After doing the briefest of research on the internet I discovered that there is a more "religious" or Christian view of The Law of Attraction and a secular view.
Some Christians point to the Bible as being full of the law of attraction and feel this is where the concept originated. "Ask and you shall receive." Is this not what praying is all about? And yet the key difference between when I was young and praying to God for what I wanted and now being able to ask the universe for what I want is 1) I don't have to feel guilty about what I ask for and there is no bargaining involved (Please God let me pass this test and I promise I will study harder) 2) The Universe does not seem to judge 3) While the universe does appreciate gratitude, it doesn't need to be worshiped and adored. 4) You don't have to defer to the Universe's "will" though I do think that there are basic laws of the universe and when you go against those laws you begin to have difficulties. But the Universe kind of lets you figure that out on your own.
I am not trying to judge anyone's religion or beliefs. I am just expressing my own. While the law of attraction makes sense to me, religion does not. But that old religious upbringing keeps nagging at the back of my head, "maybe you are just being selfish and you are taking all the good parts but leaving all the hard parts behind." Maybe. And maybe God and the Universe are one in the same and that it is simply man and religion that is all screwed up.
What I like most about the Law of Attraction is the focus on abundance and gratitude. I believe if the world could just adopt those two concepts we would be far better off. I thought I had blogged about gratitude but I can't find it so perhaps that will be another entry.
I have asked the Universe for certain things. To lose 50 pounds in 6 months. To be debt free in 6 months and finally to have a million dollars in my bank account. (I did not put a time limit on that.) The weight thing is not working so well yet but I still have 4 months to go. I am getting some insights into the problem. The debt is close to being resolved and now I have to work really hard to make it happen. I have 3 months left. And the asking for the million dollars has led me to another book that will be the subject of my next blog.
Change. It will happen. I know it.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Change
Life is about change. We can't get away from that. Nor should we want to.
I have not posted a blog since May 2012. Since that time I have been struggling to find a theme for my writing. I miss writing. I miss sharing my thoughts with others. So I asked myself what is my life really about? And it occurs to me it is about change. Movement. Hopefully progression.
Ask my children about my incurable desire to improve myself. Kate once gave me a book called "One Frog Can Make a Difference, Kermit's Guide to Life in the 90s". It was a satire on self help books. Very funny but it made me realize how I might be influencing my children perhaps in a negative way. If you look at the books on my book shelf, most of them are self help, with a little poetry and fiction thrown in. And as I think about all the books I have read, I wonder if they have made a difference.
I once complained to a therapist that I felt I had made many changes internally, but none of those changes manifested in outward changes.. I still had a weight problem, I still had a dirty house and I still wasn't writing. I wasn't completing things I started. I have no idea what he said about that.
Years later I still struggle with that question. Another question might be do you need to make the internal changes before you see behavioral changes, or can you simply engage in the behavioral changes and skip all the time consuming internal dialog? But for me, the internal changes have been important. All in all the changes internally, the changes to thought processes have made me happier, than a clean house might have, or being thin.
I have had three life defining moments,.
The first came in my therapist's office. He told me I was good at therapy. That I always came prepared, that I always followed up on things we talked about. He said he would write down points he wanted to come back to but that I always came back to them on my own and he just had to check them off his list. I don't know why this was important to me. But in that moment I had the overwhelming sense that I was O.K. That I was not in some way horribly flawed as a human being. Later in life I would learn that we are all flawed but that's O.K. I am not more or less flawed than anyone else.
The second came by way of text. An old friend repeated something I had said to him a year before. Again, nothing really important, nothing earth shaking, but again I had this overwhelming feeling that for the first time in my life I was lovable. My shell had cracked and I could feel love from another person. Not just from him, but from all the other people in my life as well.
About a year later the third one came I can't remember the trigger. Again just a sudden feeling that after all this time, at 62 I really did love myself. That not only could I now feel love from other people, I could feel love from myself, to myself. More than love, I cherished myself, I am my most favorite person to be with.
And then yesterday possible a 4th. Time will tell. Something I have struggle with my whole life. Other people's attention or non attention in no way defines who I am.
But again, all internal changes how ever important, not effecting major behaviors I want to change. Or possibly behavior has changed, but not in areas that can be easily measured.
Things I have changed in my life. I chose happiness over duty. (maybe O.K. maybe not O.K.) I became social again. I choose more the direction of my life than wait for it to happen. Certainly important things.
So what is it that I still want to change? Isn't feeling that I am O.K. not irreparably flawed, that I am loved by others and finally loving myself enough?
Well for one thing, I want to be financially solvent. Actually I would like to be rich, but right now I will settle for solvent. I would like to be thin. And I would like to write a book and have it published, even if it is self published which happens more and more these days. Those are the major things. Then there are minor things like taking better care of my teeth, keeping my house cleaner, taking more photographs, getting better at the ukulele. Oh, one other thing, get a boyfriend. That one is a little different because I have a little less control over that one.
I have come to be softer on myself. To give myself more credit for what I do accomplish than for what I don't. I have stopped beating myself up for not doing things.
In the beginning I talked about all the self help books I have read over my life time. When I read each one, I think, this is it, this is the answer, It never is, but I still feel that way each time I read something new (as long as it goes alone with my values and way of thinking). And it is true of the new book that I am reading called "Mindset, the New Psychology of Success." Brilliant. But I will save that for my next blog. Stay tuned.
I have not posted a blog since May 2012. Since that time I have been struggling to find a theme for my writing. I miss writing. I miss sharing my thoughts with others. So I asked myself what is my life really about? And it occurs to me it is about change. Movement. Hopefully progression.
Ask my children about my incurable desire to improve myself. Kate once gave me a book called "One Frog Can Make a Difference, Kermit's Guide to Life in the 90s". It was a satire on self help books. Very funny but it made me realize how I might be influencing my children perhaps in a negative way. If you look at the books on my book shelf, most of them are self help, with a little poetry and fiction thrown in. And as I think about all the books I have read, I wonder if they have made a difference.
I once complained to a therapist that I felt I had made many changes internally, but none of those changes manifested in outward changes.. I still had a weight problem, I still had a dirty house and I still wasn't writing. I wasn't completing things I started. I have no idea what he said about that.
Years later I still struggle with that question. Another question might be do you need to make the internal changes before you see behavioral changes, or can you simply engage in the behavioral changes and skip all the time consuming internal dialog? But for me, the internal changes have been important. All in all the changes internally, the changes to thought processes have made me happier, than a clean house might have, or being thin.
I have had three life defining moments,.
The first came in my therapist's office. He told me I was good at therapy. That I always came prepared, that I always followed up on things we talked about. He said he would write down points he wanted to come back to but that I always came back to them on my own and he just had to check them off his list. I don't know why this was important to me. But in that moment I had the overwhelming sense that I was O.K. That I was not in some way horribly flawed as a human being. Later in life I would learn that we are all flawed but that's O.K. I am not more or less flawed than anyone else.
The second came by way of text. An old friend repeated something I had said to him a year before. Again, nothing really important, nothing earth shaking, but again I had this overwhelming feeling that for the first time in my life I was lovable. My shell had cracked and I could feel love from another person. Not just from him, but from all the other people in my life as well.
About a year later the third one came I can't remember the trigger. Again just a sudden feeling that after all this time, at 62 I really did love myself. That not only could I now feel love from other people, I could feel love from myself, to myself. More than love, I cherished myself, I am my most favorite person to be with.
And then yesterday possible a 4th. Time will tell. Something I have struggle with my whole life. Other people's attention or non attention in no way defines who I am.
But again, all internal changes how ever important, not effecting major behaviors I want to change. Or possibly behavior has changed, but not in areas that can be easily measured.
Things I have changed in my life. I chose happiness over duty. (maybe O.K. maybe not O.K.) I became social again. I choose more the direction of my life than wait for it to happen. Certainly important things.
So what is it that I still want to change? Isn't feeling that I am O.K. not irreparably flawed, that I am loved by others and finally loving myself enough?
Well for one thing, I want to be financially solvent. Actually I would like to be rich, but right now I will settle for solvent. I would like to be thin. And I would like to write a book and have it published, even if it is self published which happens more and more these days. Those are the major things. Then there are minor things like taking better care of my teeth, keeping my house cleaner, taking more photographs, getting better at the ukulele. Oh, one other thing, get a boyfriend. That one is a little different because I have a little less control over that one.
I have come to be softer on myself. To give myself more credit for what I do accomplish than for what I don't. I have stopped beating myself up for not doing things.
In the beginning I talked about all the self help books I have read over my life time. When I read each one, I think, this is it, this is the answer, It never is, but I still feel that way each time I read something new (as long as it goes alone with my values and way of thinking). And it is true of the new book that I am reading called "Mindset, the New Psychology of Success." Brilliant. But I will save that for my next blog. Stay tuned.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Door Ways
I have always been intrigued with door ways and entry ways, both from a photographic perspective and psychological perspective. The idea of going through a door, choosing one door vs another. 
This first photo is of my doorway. The one I pass through everyday out into the world and then back home again. From safety to possibility. From isolation to socialization. The second photo is one I took several years ago when I went to visit Rachel in New Orleans. Sunday, May 6, 2012
Old Town School of Music
The Old Town School of Music is one of Chicago's most unique cultural centers. Founded in 1957, Old Town has moved to various locations finally ending up close to me in Lincoln Square. The school offers both individual and group lessons in many instruments (including djembe) as well as all types of dance classes. There are now 6600 students that take weekly classes a third being children. Concerts featuring music from around the world are a daily happening. Completion of a new building across from the old building in Lincoln Square boasts state of the art in both acoustics and ecology.
I bring this all up because I am now one of their newest volunteers having gone through the 2 hour orientation yesterday. As a volunteer I can earn points to use towards classes and concerts. I can meet new people and there are an awful lot of old guys taking guitar lessons. A friend who use to take guitar lessons there says it will be like shooting fish in a barrel. We'll see about that. Oh yea and I can help the school promote music and culture with in my community.
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| In the new building |
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| Part of the new building |
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| Cute guy playing a Dobro. Sounded great. Says he has been playing for years. |
Friday, May 4, 2012
Indian Dinner with a Friend
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Early Birthday Gifts
I bought myself an early birthday gift today. A high end, compact, point and shoot, Canon, digital camera. I have been wanting one ever since I lost mine a few years ago at the Lincoln Park Zoo. I will not be giving up my Canon Rebel with my 6 different lenses. This camera though, will be much more portable and afford me the opportunity to take daily photos for my blog.
Unfortunately the battery in the new camera had to be charged before I could use it so I was not able to shoot any photos today. This picture was taken a few weeks ago in the Chicago loop during my first Photography Meetup. It is my favorite picture of the day. He was happy to let us take his picture and of course we all gave him something for the priviledge. It had started to lightly rain as we moved on and he began playing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head".
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Clematis
This spring was very odd as we got 2 weeks of very warm weather in early March. Spring almost came and went before I had time to notice. But then it cooled and although many of the flowering trees had come and gone the flowers stayed around for quite a while. The lilac tree two doors down that started blooming at the first of April is just now turning brown. I can still find a few tulips and dafodills blooming. The peonies are coming any day.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Photo Blog
I met my friend Beth in the hallway at work today. We had a chance to chat for a little while and Beth told me about her friend who takes photographs everyday and then post the one she likes the best to her blog and writes about it. A follow up to the 365 day project. I thought it was a great idea. And so I am going to try to incorporate my photography and my writing. Every day? We'll see. Today would be a good day to start except I didn't take any photographs if you don't count the one I took with my iPhone and published to my Facebook check in. But I did take some photos over the weekend when I got to gether with my new photography meetup group. I will start with one of those.
Chinatown. Such a different look from the rest of Chicago. I like Chinatown. It brings back fond memories of when Susan came to visit. At that time the shop keepers didn't mind you coming into the store and taking pictures. Now they all say, "no pictures, no pictures." Someone in the group suggested it was because photographers block the aisles so paying customers can't get through. I don't know we didn't ask. My old friend Michael always liked going to Chinatown, looking for wierd things in the shops. My dining group just had dinner here the week before. Eleven of us with bottles of wine and the restaurant couldn't find a cork screw. And my new friend Wesley immediately ran out to find one to save the day before the bus boy finally came up with one.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Reading
One weekend last November, I found myself feeling lonely and sorry for myself. While waiting for a call that never came, I searched for ways to stop ruminating about situations not under my control, for ways to focus on myself, and for ways to discover what I needed and wanted in my life. Ways to take care of myself. As the long weekend stretched in front of me with nothing planned, I picked up a book and began to read. Suddenly I left my world of pain and anxiety and entered into a completely new one. I finished the book by the end of the day and started another.
Months can go by without me picking up a book. I forget how much I love to read. But reading is about more than just distraction though a very good distraction. It is about taking care of myself. It is a purely selfish act. Something I do to and for myself. A solitary act unlike watching T.V or seeing a movie. With good writing, even fiction teaches me something about life I didn't know before. And reading seems to stimulate my desire to write.
When I rediscovered the magic of reading, I decided to buy myself and early Christmas present, the Kindle Fire. I had downloaded the Kindle app on my iPhone and was reading via my phone but the Kindle fire quadruples the reading page. And the Kindle Fire is more than just a reader. It is like a smaller version of the iPad but at a third the cost. The dangerous part pertains to the instant access to Amazon and obtaining anything I want to read in an instant. The books cost less than even paper backs but they still add up, though some new authors offer their books for free. The other problem with the Fire is you can't share the book when finished with it.
I have read a dozen books since November, a new record for me. But when ever I start reading again I am always reminded of my father. As a child I never saw Dad even pick up a book. He read the news paper and perhaps an occasional magazine but never a book. And then he retired. Perhaps like me he began to read because of stretches of time with nothing to do and then became addicted. He loved mysteries. He drove to library frequently. I wondered if he would have taken to a Kindle or other reader or he would have preferred a real book in his hands. Then it occurred to me that he would have love an electronic reader. When ever he visited the library, Dad would only check out the brand new books. He said the older books were too musty and bothered his asthma. Never a problem with my Kindle. Today, January 12, 2012 is the 100th anniversary of Dad's birth. Happy Birthday, Dad. I hope where ever you are, Mother still lets you read.
Months can go by without me picking up a book. I forget how much I love to read. But reading is about more than just distraction though a very good distraction. It is about taking care of myself. It is a purely selfish act. Something I do to and for myself. A solitary act unlike watching T.V or seeing a movie. With good writing, even fiction teaches me something about life I didn't know before. And reading seems to stimulate my desire to write.
When I rediscovered the magic of reading, I decided to buy myself and early Christmas present, the Kindle Fire. I had downloaded the Kindle app on my iPhone and was reading via my phone but the Kindle fire quadruples the reading page. And the Kindle Fire is more than just a reader. It is like a smaller version of the iPad but at a third the cost. The dangerous part pertains to the instant access to Amazon and obtaining anything I want to read in an instant. The books cost less than even paper backs but they still add up, though some new authors offer their books for free. The other problem with the Fire is you can't share the book when finished with it.
I have read a dozen books since November, a new record for me. But when ever I start reading again I am always reminded of my father. As a child I never saw Dad even pick up a book. He read the news paper and perhaps an occasional magazine but never a book. And then he retired. Perhaps like me he began to read because of stretches of time with nothing to do and then became addicted. He loved mysteries. He drove to library frequently. I wondered if he would have taken to a Kindle or other reader or he would have preferred a real book in his hands. Then it occurred to me that he would have love an electronic reader. When ever he visited the library, Dad would only check out the brand new books. He said the older books were too musty and bothered his asthma. Never a problem with my Kindle. Today, January 12, 2012 is the 100th anniversary of Dad's birth. Happy Birthday, Dad. I hope where ever you are, Mother still lets you read.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
More New Year Stuff
I have figured out why it was necessary for me to start my meetup groups. I told people that it was because I am shy and that by being an organizer, I have a role to play and I feel much more comfortable. But then I realized that was only part of it. The main reason I had to organize meetup groups was so that I would have to actually go.
Friday night was my first movie meetup group. I had worked all day and if I wasn’t the organizer, I would not have gone. I would have stayed home. Instead I walked 3 blocks, hoped the train for two stops and walked to the movie theater just around the corner from the Western El stop. A friend from my dining group was already there. That was a nice beginning. In the end 13 people showed up. We saw The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I had seen it the previous week but someone in the group had suggested it and I thought it might be a good beginning. I have read all the books and have seen all the Swedish movies based on the books. Some of the others had also read the books or watched the earlier version of the movie. Some had done neither. It made for good discussion after the movie at the Turkish. I always worry organizing that things will not work out, but they usually do and people don’t judge you if there are a few kinks. They are generally grateful to you organizing the event.
Organizing groups also makes you realize that you really should show up for other people's groups that you have signed up for. So yesterday morning I got up and thought of a hundred reasons why I didn’t need to go to the meditation retreat I had signed up for. But I went. I have only done a little meditation, mostly through a study I had done last summer at the hospital. I was surprised that this meditation was not much different from that. I guess meditation is meditation. A whole day of it was just a little too much for me. But the teacher also gave a talk about mindfulness and the connection between the meditation and trying to be present in our lives. We ate our lunches mindfully and we kept silent except for the instructions and some question and answer sessions. It was an interesting day. I felt amazingly calm and peaceful. The good and the bad of not talking was I didn’t have to make conversation with strangers but I didn’t get to meet people either. I could have stayed after but I was tired and I was meeting Kate for dinner. A jump back into the real world.
Today, I had a brunch with my dinner group. The largest group yet. Seventeen people. The problem with sit down meals is that you only really get to talk to the people around you. I had a number of new people I only got to say hello to abut they looked like they were having a good time. The food was good and the bottomless mamosa's were great! Next on the agenda for the group is pub crawl in two weeks. An over 50 pub crawl. 3 pubs, one restaurant. Twenty people have already signed up. The good thing is we will be able to mingle more and talk to everyone instead of just a few. I am still trying to decide what my third group will be.
***********
It is the first of the year. A time for new beginnings. As I said in my last blog, I have great anticipation for this year. And I tend to want to make lost of new years resolutions. My brother John wrote to me and said he started to make resolutions but decided maybe he was good enough. I loved that. He also said he is too old to worry too clueless to care. He has 4 years on me. I hope in 4 years I will feel the same.
I came across a website called something Zen. It is a blog from a guy that has made tremendous changes in his life. He said that in order to make a change you have to change a habit. And that you can only change one thing at a time and it takes 30 days. He says that your mind cannot really focus on more than one thing at a time. The key here is focus. I am reading a book called Fast Thinking, Slow Thinking which supports this ideas. Fascinating book, but slow reading.
So potentially if all the habits stuck, you could make 12 changes in the year. At first I thought no, no, no, that is too long. I have to do it all now. Or O.K. is that one habit in each of the 8 areas in my life I have identified that I need to focus on to have a move balanced life? And then I thought about what I had actually changed, and the answer was not much. So I have decided to give it a try. Blogging was not first on the list. I’m not sure it is on the list at all. It just seems like something I want to do right now. First on the list was to drink 2-3 liters of water a day. My good or bad eating habits seem to begin with my water intake. I am however sort of cheating because I have also given up carbonated beverages at the same time which means I have also given up caffeine. Is that all part of the same thing or is it really 3? Anyway the water is going well, but I am drinking juices and hot chocolate and other things to compensate for no pop as we call it here in Chicago. What I have discovered this week is I don’t lose weight drinking more water and giving up pop. I thought I would. But I feel much better, I have much more energy and I think I am generally sleeping better.
At the beginning of February, I will change another habit. What will it be? I am focused on my diet at the moment so I am thinking it will be not drinking calories or maybe limiting it to 100 calories a day just so I have have something to drink other than water. We will see. I need to fit in exercise somewhere because I have joined a gym. One of my new friends took me to water arobics and it was a blast. The gym is a little pricy but it has two pools, an indoor track, lots of classes and the crowd tends to be a little older. And it is cheaper than the cable I gave up.
Somewhere, sometime, I need to fit in photography to my habits. Blogs need pictures. Maybe I will just dip into my archives next time to add a little interest.
Friday night was my first movie meetup group. I had worked all day and if I wasn’t the organizer, I would not have gone. I would have stayed home. Instead I walked 3 blocks, hoped the train for two stops and walked to the movie theater just around the corner from the Western El stop. A friend from my dining group was already there. That was a nice beginning. In the end 13 people showed up. We saw The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I had seen it the previous week but someone in the group had suggested it and I thought it might be a good beginning. I have read all the books and have seen all the Swedish movies based on the books. Some of the others had also read the books or watched the earlier version of the movie. Some had done neither. It made for good discussion after the movie at the Turkish. I always worry organizing that things will not work out, but they usually do and people don’t judge you if there are a few kinks. They are generally grateful to you organizing the event.
Organizing groups also makes you realize that you really should show up for other people's groups that you have signed up for. So yesterday morning I got up and thought of a hundred reasons why I didn’t need to go to the meditation retreat I had signed up for. But I went. I have only done a little meditation, mostly through a study I had done last summer at the hospital. I was surprised that this meditation was not much different from that. I guess meditation is meditation. A whole day of it was just a little too much for me. But the teacher also gave a talk about mindfulness and the connection between the meditation and trying to be present in our lives. We ate our lunches mindfully and we kept silent except for the instructions and some question and answer sessions. It was an interesting day. I felt amazingly calm and peaceful. The good and the bad of not talking was I didn’t have to make conversation with strangers but I didn’t get to meet people either. I could have stayed after but I was tired and I was meeting Kate for dinner. A jump back into the real world.
Today, I had a brunch with my dinner group. The largest group yet. Seventeen people. The problem with sit down meals is that you only really get to talk to the people around you. I had a number of new people I only got to say hello to abut they looked like they were having a good time. The food was good and the bottomless mamosa's were great! Next on the agenda for the group is pub crawl in two weeks. An over 50 pub crawl. 3 pubs, one restaurant. Twenty people have already signed up. The good thing is we will be able to mingle more and talk to everyone instead of just a few. I am still trying to decide what my third group will be.
***********
It is the first of the year. A time for new beginnings. As I said in my last blog, I have great anticipation for this year. And I tend to want to make lost of new years resolutions. My brother John wrote to me and said he started to make resolutions but decided maybe he was good enough. I loved that. He also said he is too old to worry too clueless to care. He has 4 years on me. I hope in 4 years I will feel the same.
I came across a website called something Zen. It is a blog from a guy that has made tremendous changes in his life. He said that in order to make a change you have to change a habit. And that you can only change one thing at a time and it takes 30 days. He says that your mind cannot really focus on more than one thing at a time. The key here is focus. I am reading a book called Fast Thinking, Slow Thinking which supports this ideas. Fascinating book, but slow reading.
So potentially if all the habits stuck, you could make 12 changes in the year. At first I thought no, no, no, that is too long. I have to do it all now. Or O.K. is that one habit in each of the 8 areas in my life I have identified that I need to focus on to have a move balanced life? And then I thought about what I had actually changed, and the answer was not much. So I have decided to give it a try. Blogging was not first on the list. I’m not sure it is on the list at all. It just seems like something I want to do right now. First on the list was to drink 2-3 liters of water a day. My good or bad eating habits seem to begin with my water intake. I am however sort of cheating because I have also given up carbonated beverages at the same time which means I have also given up caffeine. Is that all part of the same thing or is it really 3? Anyway the water is going well, but I am drinking juices and hot chocolate and other things to compensate for no pop as we call it here in Chicago. What I have discovered this week is I don’t lose weight drinking more water and giving up pop. I thought I would. But I feel much better, I have much more energy and I think I am generally sleeping better.
At the beginning of February, I will change another habit. What will it be? I am focused on my diet at the moment so I am thinking it will be not drinking calories or maybe limiting it to 100 calories a day just so I have have something to drink other than water. We will see. I need to fit in exercise somewhere because I have joined a gym. One of my new friends took me to water arobics and it was a blast. The gym is a little pricy but it has two pools, an indoor track, lots of classes and the crowd tends to be a little older. And it is cheaper than the cable I gave up.
Somewhere, sometime, I need to fit in photography to my habits. Blogs need pictures. Maybe I will just dip into my archives next time to add a little interest.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Christmas and New Years
It is January 2012. Christmas has come and gone. A good Christmas other than the fact I worked Christmas day and was pulled to the geriatric unit. At least my patients knew it was Christmas. The regular staff seemed to all be pretty cheery but I just found it depressing. I think it is because I worry I will end up like those patients.
We had our Christmas dinner Christmas eve. Quiet day with Kate and Charlie and Rachel and a friend of Kate's. Good food. Good company. We missed Judy who stayed in Springfield with her boyfriend.
This is sounding like a Christmas letter and that is not my intent. I actually almost got into the Christmas spirit. I bought a few gifts. No decorating. But I did have two experiences that made the season a little brighter. I was walking home from the El and a man started talking to me. Apparently he is a roofer and it had started to rain so he was getting off early. He was so excited because his whole family was in town and now he was going to get to start the holiday. His younger sister who he said he hadn't seen in 10 years was going to be at his house. His joy was contagious. A day later I was waiting for a bus and the man next to me told me he was going to be flying to Mexico later on that evening to surprise his parents for the holidays. He was also very excited. It is nice to see people enjoying the season. It is nice to see happy people.
The New Year is always a time I look forward to. A chance to renew myself, to set goals for myself, better myself. 2011 was not a bad year. I had new experiences, I made new friends. But I also feel that I have done some purging of late helping me to get ready for things to come. My roommate is moving out and I am looking forward to living by myself again. I've ended a couple of relationships that weren't working. I just canceled my cable. I've started a new movie group. I am continuing my old wine and dine group. I am looking for more groups that better fit my needs.
I would apologize for this ridiculous blog except I promised my kids I'd quit the self deprecating behavior. So I hope all of my readers had a great Christmas and are going to enjoy the new year as much as I am.
We had our Christmas dinner Christmas eve. Quiet day with Kate and Charlie and Rachel and a friend of Kate's. Good food. Good company. We missed Judy who stayed in Springfield with her boyfriend.
This is sounding like a Christmas letter and that is not my intent. I actually almost got into the Christmas spirit. I bought a few gifts. No decorating. But I did have two experiences that made the season a little brighter. I was walking home from the El and a man started talking to me. Apparently he is a roofer and it had started to rain so he was getting off early. He was so excited because his whole family was in town and now he was going to get to start the holiday. His younger sister who he said he hadn't seen in 10 years was going to be at his house. His joy was contagious. A day later I was waiting for a bus and the man next to me told me he was going to be flying to Mexico later on that evening to surprise his parents for the holidays. He was also very excited. It is nice to see people enjoying the season. It is nice to see happy people.
The New Year is always a time I look forward to. A chance to renew myself, to set goals for myself, better myself. 2011 was not a bad year. I had new experiences, I made new friends. But I also feel that I have done some purging of late helping me to get ready for things to come. My roommate is moving out and I am looking forward to living by myself again. I've ended a couple of relationships that weren't working. I just canceled my cable. I've started a new movie group. I am continuing my old wine and dine group. I am looking for more groups that better fit my needs.
I would apologize for this ridiculous blog except I promised my kids I'd quit the self deprecating behavior. So I hope all of my readers had a great Christmas and are going to enjoy the new year as much as I am.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Family and Friends
Robert Frost said: "Home is where when you go they have to take you in." He was referring to family. Last month I spent time with my 6 siblings: Tom, John, Susan, Judy, Bill and Jane. I fall between Susan and Judy. We were in Kansas City, the city where we grew up. Though none of us live there now, to me it feels like coming home and my youngest sister, Jane, has a condo that she graciously lets us share. Thank you Jane. We use to get together much more often, this family of mine, when our parents were still living. But they have been gone for almost 10 years now.
None of us live in the same place. Bill lives on Cape Cod, John lives in Eugene, Oregon and the rest of us in between. None of us even live in the same state. But when we come together it is like we have never left. Not really. Nobody seems to have changed. We all have the same quirks we use to. The boys still play golf, the girls still do crafts and chat. We eat out and play games at night. All of us were together for less than 48 hours but it was worth the effort of coming together.
This is not to say that I don't see some of my siblings much more often. We do visit each others and the sisters get together at least once a year. But it had been a long time for all of us to be together.
The same is true for my children. None of my 3 girls live in the same place. My oldest daughter, Kate, lives here in Chicago where I live but the other two are still in Missouri (at the moment.) Rachel, my youngest, tends to wander a bit. The girls get together at Thanksgiving with their dad and then spend Christmas here with me in Chicago. This year will be different as my middle daughter, Judy, has other obligations. Earlier this year the four of us were together in St. Louis for a wedding. I wish it were much more often. But I fear it will become less often as with my family of origin.
And so this brings me to the second part. Friends. When your family is not around you, you have to fill in with friends. I have been lucky since coming to Chicago, meeting lots of different people. I use to be able to count my friends on one hand. I can't do that anymore. For Thanksgiving a small group of 7 of us met for a Persian buffet and then a couple of us went to see a movie after. I have close friends, old friends, new friends and everything in between. I had many, Happy Thanksgiving wishes from family and friends. I sent out some as well and got replies. I got wishes from people that I can't figure out who they are because I lost my phone a couple of months back and my contact list is gone. Its kind of fun getting a "Happy Thanksgiving" text and wondering who the number belongs to. It could be a wrong number but all is still good. My favorite text was a week ago in the middle of the night. "I love you: it said, but no name came up just a number. So I text back "I love you too, who is this?" It turned out to be Douggie, a young friend, who told me he was with my beautiful daughter, Rachel.
So I am blessed with a large family and an even larger group of friends. It is what sustains me and makes me happy. A good friend recently told me that the Buddha said that we are suppose to be happy. And so I am.
None of us live in the same place. Bill lives on Cape Cod, John lives in Eugene, Oregon and the rest of us in between. None of us even live in the same state. But when we come together it is like we have never left. Not really. Nobody seems to have changed. We all have the same quirks we use to. The boys still play golf, the girls still do crafts and chat. We eat out and play games at night. All of us were together for less than 48 hours but it was worth the effort of coming together.
This is not to say that I don't see some of my siblings much more often. We do visit each others and the sisters get together at least once a year. But it had been a long time for all of us to be together.
The same is true for my children. None of my 3 girls live in the same place. My oldest daughter, Kate, lives here in Chicago where I live but the other two are still in Missouri (at the moment.) Rachel, my youngest, tends to wander a bit. The girls get together at Thanksgiving with their dad and then spend Christmas here with me in Chicago. This year will be different as my middle daughter, Judy, has other obligations. Earlier this year the four of us were together in St. Louis for a wedding. I wish it were much more often. But I fear it will become less often as with my family of origin.
I envy people who's siblings have stayed in the same community, who have large holiday dinners. These are the gatherings in my memories from when I was a child. But then I would have no place to go on vacations. Yes, I could go to Paris, or Arizona, or California, but it is much less expensive when you are going to visit families.
And so this brings me to the second part. Friends. When your family is not around you, you have to fill in with friends. I have been lucky since coming to Chicago, meeting lots of different people. I use to be able to count my friends on one hand. I can't do that anymore. For Thanksgiving a small group of 7 of us met for a Persian buffet and then a couple of us went to see a movie after. I have close friends, old friends, new friends and everything in between. I had many, Happy Thanksgiving wishes from family and friends. I sent out some as well and got replies. I got wishes from people that I can't figure out who they are because I lost my phone a couple of months back and my contact list is gone. Its kind of fun getting a "Happy Thanksgiving" text and wondering who the number belongs to. It could be a wrong number but all is still good. My favorite text was a week ago in the middle of the night. "I love you: it said, but no name came up just a number. So I text back "I love you too, who is this?" It turned out to be Douggie, a young friend, who told me he was with my beautiful daughter, Rachel.
So I am blessed with a large family and an even larger group of friends. It is what sustains me and makes me happy. A good friend recently told me that the Buddha said that we are suppose to be happy. And so I am.
 |
| My Siblings |
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Meetup.com--The best invention since sliced bread, Seran Wrap and spell check
It is Saturday. I want to go out and see a new movie and no one is available to go with me. I can do several things. 1) I can go alone. I've done that frequently and I actually enjoy watching movies in the theater by myself. But sometimes I want company. So 2) I can put an ad on Craig's list and ask if anyone wants to see Cowboy's and Aliens. I actually did that and had mixed results but that is a different blog. Or 3) I can check out Meetup.com and see if there is a movie group going to see the movie I want to see. I did and there was. And so last Saturday I saw One Day with a group of 4 other people.
Meetup.com is a social network. Their new slogan is "Use the Internet to get off of the Internet." It is about meeting people in person, face to face, not about reading what your friends are doing on Facebook, or chatting in chat rooms. It is about getting together.
According to the article The Long and Curious History of Meetup.com by Adrianne Jefferies, in late 2001 co founders Matt Meeker and Scott Heiferman were looking for a start up. They had lots of ideas but kept coming back to Meetup for two major reasons. "One was Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam's book about the collapse of community in America. The other was that something had changed in New York: Strangers had started saying hello. It was after September 11, and people seemed suddenly aware of each other." When launched Meetup.com was an immediate success.
In 2004, Meetup and John Dean joined together to for an unprecedented grass roots campaign. Today Meetup has 8 million members in 100 countries, 65000+ organizers, 80,000+ meetup groups and 50,000 meetups are scheduled each week.
I have been a member of Meetup.com for a number of years now. I think my first meetup group was Chicago's Digital Photographers. I've taken a few classes with them, and recently took a new friend to a meetup. But overall I have been a very inactive member in that group that boasts 3738 members. I've attended a couple of knitting meetup groups but haven't found them to be much fun. I belong to several other groups that I have never attended.
Recently however, due to a change in relationship status, I needed to become more active and decided to take Meetup.com by storm. I joined a brand new group called Chicago Curvy Girls DIY Fitness Club. It is for us curvy girls not quite ready for the gym. The organizer Deanna is fabulous. She has really put her heart and soul into this group. Less than a month old, she has already had 10 meetups. Last Saturday we met in Milliennium Park for free yoga and Zumba and then Sunday morning we met in a park close to where I live and walked 2 miles. I can't keep up with the group yet, but Deanna comes back and keeps me company.
I mentioned the Saturday and Sunday Night Movie Club. I joined that group on Saturday afternoon and saw One Day with them on Saturday night. As with the nature of meetup groups some people are more interesting than others. It is probably not a group I will go back to.
Sunday I was looking for something to do and cruised the hundred of happenings on Meetup.com until I found a Djembe group in my area. Most meetup groups are free unless donations are asked for to cover the cost the organizer pays to Meetup.com. Some meetup groups however are a way for people to teach others for money or to promote a business. But at 12 dollars a session, it is much cheaper than the lessons I took at Old Town School of Folk Music and the organizer, Rick is great. (He also teaches at Old Town School). I am now back to playing my drum.
The most fun I had, however, was on Friday evening. I had been looking for a city group for people over 50. I couldn't find one so I started one myself. The City's Wine and Diners. With in a week of starting it I had 60 members and 20 people had signed up for the first meetup on Friday with 6 on the waiting list. Organizing can be stressful with finding a venue, setting up guide lines, worrying if people are really going to show, etc. But it was well worth it. People dropped out of course but my wait list filled in and we ended up with 12 very cool people, grateful to me for starting the group.
Three days, 5 Meetups. It was a very good weekend.
Meetup.com is a social network. Their new slogan is "Use the Internet to get off of the Internet." It is about meeting people in person, face to face, not about reading what your friends are doing on Facebook, or chatting in chat rooms. It is about getting together.
According to the article The Long and Curious History of Meetup.com by Adrianne Jefferies, in late 2001 co founders Matt Meeker and Scott Heiferman were looking for a start up. They had lots of ideas but kept coming back to Meetup for two major reasons. "One was Bowling Alone, Robert Putnam's book about the collapse of community in America. The other was that something had changed in New York: Strangers had started saying hello. It was after September 11, and people seemed suddenly aware of each other." When launched Meetup.com was an immediate success.
In 2004, Meetup and John Dean joined together to for an unprecedented grass roots campaign. Today Meetup has 8 million members in 100 countries, 65000+ organizers, 80,000+ meetup groups and 50,000 meetups are scheduled each week.
I have been a member of Meetup.com for a number of years now. I think my first meetup group was Chicago's Digital Photographers. I've taken a few classes with them, and recently took a new friend to a meetup. But overall I have been a very inactive member in that group that boasts 3738 members. I've attended a couple of knitting meetup groups but haven't found them to be much fun. I belong to several other groups that I have never attended.
Recently however, due to a change in relationship status, I needed to become more active and decided to take Meetup.com by storm. I joined a brand new group called Chicago Curvy Girls DIY Fitness Club. It is for us curvy girls not quite ready for the gym. The organizer Deanna is fabulous. She has really put her heart and soul into this group. Less than a month old, she has already had 10 meetups. Last Saturday we met in Milliennium Park for free yoga and Zumba and then Sunday morning we met in a park close to where I live and walked 2 miles. I can't keep up with the group yet, but Deanna comes back and keeps me company.
I mentioned the Saturday and Sunday Night Movie Club. I joined that group on Saturday afternoon and saw One Day with them on Saturday night. As with the nature of meetup groups some people are more interesting than others. It is probably not a group I will go back to.
Sunday I was looking for something to do and cruised the hundred of happenings on Meetup.com until I found a Djembe group in my area. Most meetup groups are free unless donations are asked for to cover the cost the organizer pays to Meetup.com. Some meetup groups however are a way for people to teach others for money or to promote a business. But at 12 dollars a session, it is much cheaper than the lessons I took at Old Town School of Folk Music and the organizer, Rick is great. (He also teaches at Old Town School). I am now back to playing my drum.
The most fun I had, however, was on Friday evening. I had been looking for a city group for people over 50. I couldn't find one so I started one myself. The City's Wine and Diners. With in a week of starting it I had 60 members and 20 people had signed up for the first meetup on Friday with 6 on the waiting list. Organizing can be stressful with finding a venue, setting up guide lines, worrying if people are really going to show, etc. But it was well worth it. People dropped out of course but my wait list filled in and we ended up with 12 very cool people, grateful to me for starting the group.
Three days, 5 Meetups. It was a very good weekend.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Christmas and New Years
Christmas was quiet and peaceful. All of my girls were here and Kate and I had the whole four days off that Judy and Rachel were here. By the way Kate just graduated (again) this time with a Bachelor of Nursing. After taking boards she will have an RN, with a BSN. She will then out rank her mother. We didn't exchange presents at Christmas (a new tradition) because everyone is broke and it just adds to the stress. I did receive gifts from three special people. My roommate, Kim gave me a beautiful centerpiece for the table, (pictured above) Susan sent me a bottle of Virginia hard apple cider for me to taste test and Judy sent me the Cake Doctor Bakes Gluten Free.
We spent most of the time indoors playing games, watching TV and of course eating. As Kate put it so well, "We all lead really busy lives, it is nice to just relax for a few days with no agenda."
We didn't even do much cooking. What we did cook was from Women of Great Taste. The baked potato soup which I should quadruple rather than just double. This year not only was it vegetarian, but gluten free as well. Turned out great. The Apple muffins on the other hand Christmas morning were less successful. Rachel has made some successful gluten free cup cakes, but these didn't want to stick together. A few days later, I made a pretty good bread pudding out of them, using the Caramel sauce from the apple cake in the book. On Christmas evening we had the enchiladas complicated by making some of them vegetarian and some of them with gluten free tortillas. Turned out yummy. And finally we made the white chili. We had sent Kate to the store but she didn't understand I wanted 4 cans of Great Northern beans and instead got 4 bags of dried beans. The dried beans worked when when soaked and cooked and you can never have too many beans in the house.
I was very sorry to see the kids leave and wish we all live much closer together. One of my plans for this year is to see more of Kate now that she is no longer in school.
I did not make any New Years resolutions this year and for me that is most unusual. I think the reason for that is that I am very content with my life. I am in a much different place this year than last. I've connecting with people I want to connect with and I actually had a New Year's Eve date. I am feeling pretty good about myself these days. Yes I want to continue my weight loss and write more, photograph more and connect more with the people I love. But life is good. Happy New Years to all.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Hard Cider
Yesterday because our patient census is low, I only worked 1/2 shift. When I got home I lay down for a nap but the phone rang after about an hour and I couldn't go back to sleep. I guess an hour is the right amount for a nap anyway.
There are changes going on in my life. Good changes. Not long ago I would have been content to spend a quiet evening at home watching what ever T.V. show I had recorded or maybe check out the movies on my cable. This is especially true during the winter when it is dark and cold outside. Yesterday, however, I was feeling restless so I bundled up and walked to my favorite neighborhood bar and grill, Rockwell's. The waitress is from Missouri and she remembered me, even what I order (the chopped chicken salad) and what dressing I like. I love going to places where they know me.
Recently, I have been trying to find a drink to call my own. I don't like beer and I can't drink it anyway because of the gluten. I use to order Amaretto Sours but I find that they are inconsistent. Besides I tend to drink them very fast and have several which can get expensive.
If you read my last blog, you know I bought my roommate some hard cider for taking care of my cats while I was away on vacation, though I think I ended up drinking more of it than she did. Most of the package places around here and the grocery store carry Wood Chuck which comes from Vermont. I didn't realize that there were other brands of hard cider until the other night when I was out with a friend and got a cider called Crispin. Very dry and very, very good. Much different than Wood Chuck. So I decided to do some research both on the Internet and of coarse, do some personal taste tests.
Hard cider results from the fermentation of apple juice. Making hard cider is similar to wine making in many respects and easier to make than beer according to one article. While Cider was once the most popular alcoholic drink in the nation, it all but but died out during Prohibition. Wood Chuck is one of the earliest modern domestic ciders, appearing on the scene in the 1990's. Wikapedia lists about 35 different brands, domestic and imported. With in those brands there are often several varieties.
Crispin is made in California from west coast apples. It is a new company, started in 2008 founded by Joe Heron. “I started looking around around at domestic cider, and it was of really poor quality. Really sweet. You had these traditional sweet brands like Woodchuck or Hornsby’s that weren’t very good. People knew about cider, but nobody was really doing anything to get people to reconsider cider.” Crispin is trying to raise the bar for cider, fermenting fresh apples juice rather than apple juice from concentrate.
At Rockwell's when I ordered a hard cider, I received Original Sin from New York. The alcohol content was a little higher than the Wood Chuck at 6%. Original Sin has been around since 1997 and has won several awards. I didn't like it. I drank it, but I didn't like it.
I was telling my friend, Carrie, at work about my research.and she, being Irish said she liked an Irish cider, Magners. So after I got through with my supper and my cider at Rockwell's, I walked down a ways to an Irish Pub and sure enough they had bottled Magners (Apparently some places have it on tap.)
Magners, only Irish Cider distributed in the United States has been in production since 1935. The website says that they use over 17 varieties of apples and after fermenting lets their cider mature for up to 2 years. I liked the Magner much better than the Original Sin.
Just before I got to the pub, my brother, Bill, called so while I was sitting at the bar, sipping my cider, we had a long conversation about life and memories and religion. It made my evening.
After the pub, I walked about mile in the other direction to a package liquor store to replenish our supply of Wood Chuck. The temperature was only 13 degrees but it really didn't seem that cold while I was out and about. Maybe the alcohol helped, maybe talking to Bill, maybe just walking, getting rid of my restlessness. I will continue to do my research. So far my favorite is Crispin.
There are changes going on in my life. Good changes. Not long ago I would have been content to spend a quiet evening at home watching what ever T.V. show I had recorded or maybe check out the movies on my cable. This is especially true during the winter when it is dark and cold outside. Yesterday, however, I was feeling restless so I bundled up and walked to my favorite neighborhood bar and grill, Rockwell's. The waitress is from Missouri and she remembered me, even what I order (the chopped chicken salad) and what dressing I like. I love going to places where they know me.
Recently, I have been trying to find a drink to call my own. I don't like beer and I can't drink it anyway because of the gluten. I use to order Amaretto Sours but I find that they are inconsistent. Besides I tend to drink them very fast and have several which can get expensive.
If you read my last blog, you know I bought my roommate some hard cider for taking care of my cats while I was away on vacation, though I think I ended up drinking more of it than she did. Most of the package places around here and the grocery store carry Wood Chuck which comes from Vermont. I didn't realize that there were other brands of hard cider until the other night when I was out with a friend and got a cider called Crispin. Very dry and very, very good. Much different than Wood Chuck. So I decided to do some research both on the Internet and of coarse, do some personal taste tests.
Hard cider results from the fermentation of apple juice. Making hard cider is similar to wine making in many respects and easier to make than beer according to one article. While Cider was once the most popular alcoholic drink in the nation, it all but but died out during Prohibition. Wood Chuck is one of the earliest modern domestic ciders, appearing on the scene in the 1990's. Wikapedia lists about 35 different brands, domestic and imported. With in those brands there are often several varieties.
Crispin is made in California from west coast apples. It is a new company, started in 2008 founded by Joe Heron. “I started looking around around at domestic cider, and it was of really poor quality. Really sweet. You had these traditional sweet brands like Woodchuck or Hornsby’s that weren’t very good. People knew about cider, but nobody was really doing anything to get people to reconsider cider.” Crispin is trying to raise the bar for cider, fermenting fresh apples juice rather than apple juice from concentrate.
At Rockwell's when I ordered a hard cider, I received Original Sin from New York. The alcohol content was a little higher than the Wood Chuck at 6%. Original Sin has been around since 1997 and has won several awards. I didn't like it. I drank it, but I didn't like it.
I was telling my friend, Carrie, at work about my research.and she, being Irish said she liked an Irish cider, Magners. So after I got through with my supper and my cider at Rockwell's, I walked down a ways to an Irish Pub and sure enough they had bottled Magners (Apparently some places have it on tap.)
Magners, only Irish Cider distributed in the United States has been in production since 1935. The website says that they use over 17 varieties of apples and after fermenting lets their cider mature for up to 2 years. I liked the Magner much better than the Original Sin.
Just before I got to the pub, my brother, Bill, called so while I was sitting at the bar, sipping my cider, we had a long conversation about life and memories and religion. It made my evening.
After the pub, I walked about mile in the other direction to a package liquor store to replenish our supply of Wood Chuck. The temperature was only 13 degrees but it really didn't seem that cold while I was out and about. Maybe the alcohol helped, maybe talking to Bill, maybe just walking, getting rid of my restlessness. I will continue to do my research. So far my favorite is Crispin.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Vacation
I went on vacation. For me vacations are not about the places we go but the people we see. I think I get this from my mother. Although we went to a lot of places as kids, it was almost always on the way to see family and it was about our family spending time together away from the everyday life that pulled us apart. As a child I did not always appreciate being separated form my friends for extended periods during the summer but now, I wouldn't trade the memories for anything in the world.
So on my vacation, I drove to Kansas City, Springfield, MO, Bentonville AK, and St. Louis to see daughters, sisters, nieces, brother-in-law and a couple of long time friends. Because I don't own a car and drive much it is always fun to rent a car and get on the road. For two weeks I could pretend I owned the red Jeep I've always wanted. I find driving for the most part to be relaxing though Judy and Rachel might now agree riding as passengers.
But what I have noticed over the years when I go on vacation and then return to my normal everyday life is that I am ready for change. I think the relaxation spurs me to reexamine my life and I find things I need to improve. I have made a lot of changes over the last year and coming back to real life I began to feel overwhelmed by all the things I was trying to do: make new friends, date, work more, and of coarse the usual, write, lose weight, and keep my house clean. I felt I was needing a new way to keep it all in perspective. I have also over the years complained that although I feel I have made enormous internal changes, my behavior really hasn't changed much.
The Buddha said "When the student is ready, the teacher will come." I have found this to be absolutely true over my life. And I believe it is true now.
A prevalent movement in psychology has been Cognitive Therapy. When I started as a psychiatric nurse over 30 years ago I studied it and I am still teaching it to my patients today. Cognitive therapy is the idea that our thoughts control our emotions and not the other way around. If you can change your thinking then you can change your emotions. For instance if you are in school and you flunk a test, how you feel about that is dependent on how you think about it. If you say to your self, "I knew I was never going to make it in college. I knew I was dumb and stupid," you are going to feel much different than if you say to yourself "this is just one test. Now I know what the instructor is looking for and I will buckle down and work really hard for the next test." I have used this technique frequently over the years and it has helped me dismiss much depressive thinking.
A newer model to western psychology comes from eastern philosophy: Mindfulness. In a nut shell, this idea says that thoughts are not good or bad. They are just thoughts. You don't need to change them, you just need to observe them, and then let them float away with out letting them effect you. I find Mindfulness to be a much more difficult practice. The idea is to live in the moment and not the past or the future. In both models the important thing is to be aware of your thoughts. Cognitive focuses on them, Mindfulness wants you not to focus on them. Mindfulness would really like to to think less and just enjoy the moment. Hard, hard to do.
But as I was doing research into mindfulness on Sunday when the unit was very quiet and I had down time, I came across a link to another idea that I think falls somewhere in between and makes sense to me.
A woman named Byron Katie had been depressed for a long time, sometimes to the extent of not being able to get out of bed for long periods of time. One day she had a thought that changed her life. "The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is." Its not that the thought is bad it is just that we hang on to them and believe them to be true. As usual I am way behind. Her book was published in 2002. She says that there are only 3 kinds of business. Your business, other people's business and God's business which she defines as reality. And we only need to deal with our business and at some point we don't have to deal with that either because it takes care of itself. At work on Sunday, I had printed out an excerpt from her book and read it on my train ride home.
While I was on vacation, my roommate, Kim, was kind enough to take care of the cats. I wanted to get her something for her efforts and I remembered that she likes hard cider. So on Sunday I got off the train at a stop after mine to go to the liquor store to get the cider. When I walked in, there were two men standing and talking to each other. They appeared to work there but ignored me when I walked in. I wanted someone to come up to me and ask to help me. It didn't happen. It is a large store. I looked around but started to become frustrated and angry because I didn't have a clue where to start. What were the thoughts going through my head? Maybe that I am stupid because I can't find what I'm looking for. I'm not important enough for someone to help me. If those guys were at all helpful they would sell more stuff, what dummies. Probably something along those lines. But then I stopped and remembered what I had just been reading. The reality was that I was in a liquor store looking for some hard cider. Nothing more nothing less. My mind cleared and I simply went over to the gentlemen asked them if they worked there and if they had hard cider. They did and they did, and one of them took me over to where it was. My suffering was ended and I accomplished my goal. Very simple.
I don't know yet how this is going to translate to all areas of my life. I am going to buy her book today. My belief is that if I can get away from all the distorted thinking that I have and embrace reality maybe the behavior changes I want to make (writing more, eating less, cleaning my house, enjoying my new friends, managing my money better will all fall into place. I will keep you posted.
So on my vacation, I drove to Kansas City, Springfield, MO, Bentonville AK, and St. Louis to see daughters, sisters, nieces, brother-in-law and a couple of long time friends. Because I don't own a car and drive much it is always fun to rent a car and get on the road. For two weeks I could pretend I owned the red Jeep I've always wanted. I find driving for the most part to be relaxing though Judy and Rachel might now agree riding as passengers.
But what I have noticed over the years when I go on vacation and then return to my normal everyday life is that I am ready for change. I think the relaxation spurs me to reexamine my life and I find things I need to improve. I have made a lot of changes over the last year and coming back to real life I began to feel overwhelmed by all the things I was trying to do: make new friends, date, work more, and of coarse the usual, write, lose weight, and keep my house clean. I felt I was needing a new way to keep it all in perspective. I have also over the years complained that although I feel I have made enormous internal changes, my behavior really hasn't changed much.
The Buddha said "When the student is ready, the teacher will come." I have found this to be absolutely true over my life. And I believe it is true now.
A prevalent movement in psychology has been Cognitive Therapy. When I started as a psychiatric nurse over 30 years ago I studied it and I am still teaching it to my patients today. Cognitive therapy is the idea that our thoughts control our emotions and not the other way around. If you can change your thinking then you can change your emotions. For instance if you are in school and you flunk a test, how you feel about that is dependent on how you think about it. If you say to your self, "I knew I was never going to make it in college. I knew I was dumb and stupid," you are going to feel much different than if you say to yourself "this is just one test. Now I know what the instructor is looking for and I will buckle down and work really hard for the next test." I have used this technique frequently over the years and it has helped me dismiss much depressive thinking.
A newer model to western psychology comes from eastern philosophy: Mindfulness. In a nut shell, this idea says that thoughts are not good or bad. They are just thoughts. You don't need to change them, you just need to observe them, and then let them float away with out letting them effect you. I find Mindfulness to be a much more difficult practice. The idea is to live in the moment and not the past or the future. In both models the important thing is to be aware of your thoughts. Cognitive focuses on them, Mindfulness wants you not to focus on them. Mindfulness would really like to to think less and just enjoy the moment. Hard, hard to do.
But as I was doing research into mindfulness on Sunday when the unit was very quiet and I had down time, I came across a link to another idea that I think falls somewhere in between and makes sense to me.
A woman named Byron Katie had been depressed for a long time, sometimes to the extent of not being able to get out of bed for long periods of time. One day she had a thought that changed her life. "The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is." Its not that the thought is bad it is just that we hang on to them and believe them to be true. As usual I am way behind. Her book was published in 2002. She says that there are only 3 kinds of business. Your business, other people's business and God's business which she defines as reality. And we only need to deal with our business and at some point we don't have to deal with that either because it takes care of itself. At work on Sunday, I had printed out an excerpt from her book and read it on my train ride home.
While I was on vacation, my roommate, Kim, was kind enough to take care of the cats. I wanted to get her something for her efforts and I remembered that she likes hard cider. So on Sunday I got off the train at a stop after mine to go to the liquor store to get the cider. When I walked in, there were two men standing and talking to each other. They appeared to work there but ignored me when I walked in. I wanted someone to come up to me and ask to help me. It didn't happen. It is a large store. I looked around but started to become frustrated and angry because I didn't have a clue where to start. What were the thoughts going through my head? Maybe that I am stupid because I can't find what I'm looking for. I'm not important enough for someone to help me. If those guys were at all helpful they would sell more stuff, what dummies. Probably something along those lines. But then I stopped and remembered what I had just been reading. The reality was that I was in a liquor store looking for some hard cider. Nothing more nothing less. My mind cleared and I simply went over to the gentlemen asked them if they worked there and if they had hard cider. They did and they did, and one of them took me over to where it was. My suffering was ended and I accomplished my goal. Very simple.
I don't know yet how this is going to translate to all areas of my life. I am going to buy her book today. My belief is that if I can get away from all the distorted thinking that I have and embrace reality maybe the behavior changes I want to make (writing more, eating less, cleaning my house, enjoying my new friends, managing my money better will all fall into place. I will keep you posted.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Pumpkin Custard
For those of you that read my blog on a regular basis, you know that I am gluten free and that I am not crazy about process foods though I don't follow my convictions 100% of the time. (Maybe 50%) I haven't been in a cooking mood lately so I was at the store yesterday looking for gluten free packaged food I could take to work, so I wouldn't be temped to buy cafeteria food, or overpriced food from Au Bon Pain. I found some lentils in a tomato cream sauce in a microwaveable pouch. The package doesn't say it is gluten free, but the ingredients all look good and wheat is not listed as an allergen. Two ingredients that I didn't recognize, asafetida and fenugreek leaves. Wikipedia says that asafetida is a spice that is suppose to decrease flatulence. Fenugreek is an herb in the leaf form and a spice seed form. Often used in curries. No preservatives.
Much of the packaged foods either use noodles or pastas of some sort or use wheat in the processing. Then I saw the Hamburger Helper. I haven't bought Hamburger Helper since the girls were small, or not so small but anyway not for a long time. On two of the packages in bold letters were the words GLUTEN FREE. I strongly believe I should support manufacturers who are making an effort to help me with my dietary needs. The one I bought was beef fried rice. They simply took ingredients that are naturally gluten free (beef, rice, vegetables) and did not add any wheat or gluten in the processing.
I made the Hamburger Helper for lunch today thinking I would take the left overs to work tomorrow. Gluten free or not, it was terrible. I use to eat this stuff on a regular basis. I don't think I liked it then either, but it was quick, easy and cheep. I remember when Rachel first became a vegetarian, I would feed her hamburger helper without the hamburger. She would also order McDonald's cheeseburgers with out the meat. She has since graduated to Capuchino Brownies (from Women of Great Taste) laced with cannabis. (The cannabis is an add in.) I didn't realize there is a whole process to doing that. I thought you just tore up the leaves and threw them in. At least someone is cooking from the book. But I digress.
So I will nix the Hamburger Helper on the next trip to the store and instead op for my mother's goulash using gluten free pasta. Right now I am baking a pumpkin pie sans crust. Let's call it a pumpkin custard.
Much of the packaged foods either use noodles or pastas of some sort or use wheat in the processing. Then I saw the Hamburger Helper. I haven't bought Hamburger Helper since the girls were small, or not so small but anyway not for a long time. On two of the packages in bold letters were the words GLUTEN FREE. I strongly believe I should support manufacturers who are making an effort to help me with my dietary needs. The one I bought was beef fried rice. They simply took ingredients that are naturally gluten free (beef, rice, vegetables) and did not add any wheat or gluten in the processing.
I made the Hamburger Helper for lunch today thinking I would take the left overs to work tomorrow. Gluten free or not, it was terrible. I use to eat this stuff on a regular basis. I don't think I liked it then either, but it was quick, easy and cheep. I remember when Rachel first became a vegetarian, I would feed her hamburger helper without the hamburger. She would also order McDonald's cheeseburgers with out the meat. She has since graduated to Capuchino Brownies (from Women of Great Taste) laced with cannabis. (The cannabis is an add in.) I didn't realize there is a whole process to doing that. I thought you just tore up the leaves and threw them in. At least someone is cooking from the book. But I digress.
So I will nix the Hamburger Helper on the next trip to the store and instead op for my mother's goulash using gluten free pasta. Right now I am baking a pumpkin pie sans crust. Let's call it a pumpkin custard.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Friendship
Yesterday I met an interesting woman named Beatrice. We met for coffee at Panera with a new friend of mine, Toby. Beatrice was born in Germany and then immigrated to the United States as a young adult. She was talking about the differences between the two countries and one thing especially struck me. She said that in America a great deal of emphasis is placed on family. In Germany she said, after you grow up you replace your family with friends. Friends become your primary focus. I thought that was interesting. I don't think it is a universal rule here because not everyone is close to their families usually due to dysfunctions, but for the most part I think yes. I certainly know that is the case for me, both my family of origin and my children. I have put much less importance on friendship. The unfortunate part is that my family is scattered across the country and cannot meet my everyday needs of connection.
My father once told me that his biggest regret was not keeping the friends that had come into his life. When I think about the people who have passed though my life, the ones I remember and the ones I don't, I know exactly what he meant. Of all the thousands of people I have know, and the many I have counted as friends there are only 3 that I still have contact with and only one on a regular basis. The problem with not hanging on to friends is that you have to keep making new ones (if you want to have friends.)
In grade school, middle school and high school, making friends was easy. College was a little harder for me but still easier than real life. It turns out that there is a reason for that. You saw the same people every day and being in consistent close proximity fosters friendships. It is the same for the work place. When I think about it, I have had very few friends over my life time that were not in school with me or worked with me.
Part of my problem as and adult with making and keeping friends has been that I was looking for that same connection that I had had in grade school and high school. The intensity. The best friend. As a child and adolescent I talked to my friends on the phone at least once every day and usually more often. We spent the night together. We hung out at least several times a week and saw each other everyday at school. But when you get out of school, life is different. You have work and family and other obligations and it is easy for things to get in the way. You may see work friends every day but it is not the same. They have families and obligations of their own.
The first time I went to therapy, I was a young woman with young children. What I discovered rather early on in the therapy was that I was extremely lonely. My therapist asked me what I had to offer other people and I could not come up with the answer. She finally had to tell me that in friendships the only thing you have to offer is yourself. But that, that is enough. I think I understood that as a child, as an adult I forgot. As with most of life, remembering what we instinctively knew as children is important But we also have to make adult changes. I have had to learn how to accept friendships in what ever form or frequency they take.
It turns out that when you get older (and I am really talking about women here) you need to replace that one or two best friends with many friends. One person can no long satisfy all your needs. There isn't enough time. Some experts say you need five close friends and some say seven. But you need more than one.
I have been very lucky this past year in finding a girl friend, Charlotte, that I feel closer to than I have felt to anyone in a very long time. And because of that friendship I find myself wanting more. So I went looking.
First, I posted an ad on Craig's list. I got several responses, met a couple of women but didn't make a connection with either. And then I found a website called Girlfriendcircles.com. Shasta, the founder understands how hard it is for women to make quality friendships and she has done something about it.
Next blog: Girlfriendcircles and the science behind women friendships.
My father once told me that his biggest regret was not keeping the friends that had come into his life. When I think about the people who have passed though my life, the ones I remember and the ones I don't, I know exactly what he meant. Of all the thousands of people I have know, and the many I have counted as friends there are only 3 that I still have contact with and only one on a regular basis. The problem with not hanging on to friends is that you have to keep making new ones (if you want to have friends.)
In grade school, middle school and high school, making friends was easy. College was a little harder for me but still easier than real life. It turns out that there is a reason for that. You saw the same people every day and being in consistent close proximity fosters friendships. It is the same for the work place. When I think about it, I have had very few friends over my life time that were not in school with me or worked with me.
Part of my problem as and adult with making and keeping friends has been that I was looking for that same connection that I had had in grade school and high school. The intensity. The best friend. As a child and adolescent I talked to my friends on the phone at least once every day and usually more often. We spent the night together. We hung out at least several times a week and saw each other everyday at school. But when you get out of school, life is different. You have work and family and other obligations and it is easy for things to get in the way. You may see work friends every day but it is not the same. They have families and obligations of their own.
The first time I went to therapy, I was a young woman with young children. What I discovered rather early on in the therapy was that I was extremely lonely. My therapist asked me what I had to offer other people and I could not come up with the answer. She finally had to tell me that in friendships the only thing you have to offer is yourself. But that, that is enough. I think I understood that as a child, as an adult I forgot. As with most of life, remembering what we instinctively knew as children is important But we also have to make adult changes. I have had to learn how to accept friendships in what ever form or frequency they take.
It turns out that when you get older (and I am really talking about women here) you need to replace that one or two best friends with many friends. One person can no long satisfy all your needs. There isn't enough time. Some experts say you need five close friends and some say seven. But you need more than one.
I have been very lucky this past year in finding a girl friend, Charlotte, that I feel closer to than I have felt to anyone in a very long time. And because of that friendship I find myself wanting more. So I went looking.
First, I posted an ad on Craig's list. I got several responses, met a couple of women but didn't make a connection with either. And then I found a website called Girlfriendcircles.com. Shasta, the founder understands how hard it is for women to make quality friendships and she has done something about it.
Next blog: Girlfriendcircles and the science behind women friendships.
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